Monday Miscellany: We search through bins and bookshelves

Notes from August 18 - 24

Last night out of nowhere, I felt a sense of unease, a sudden doom, like something bad was about to happen. There was truly no source—I’d had a great day of eating good food, knocking out a few chores, and browsing the used bookstore with Jordan—and yet, there I was on the couch after dinner, internally panicking. So I took some deep breaths, sipped my water, and focused on the book I was reading, eventually finishing it and retiring to bed. This morning, as immediately as it arrived, the sense of foreboding was gone, and I was reminded of a couple things. One, that the body and brain are connected, and that sometimes what seems like an intense emotion might in fact just be a corporeal need for water, food, downtime, or sleep. And two, wherever they come from, feelings are temporary. If you wait them out long enough, they’ll pass through and dissipate on their own. Hello, new week. Let’s do this.

Read this week

I don’t even know how long I’ve had Gay Girl Prayers by Emily Austin in my cart on Bookshop.org, and every time I looked it was on backorder. So when it finally showed up as “available” recently, I snatched it up, and read it in one sitting a few days after it arrived in the mail. Emily Austin is a favorite author of mine, all of whose novels I’ve gobbled up and loved (I wrote about the most recent one, We Could Be Rats, here),¹ and I had a feeling her poetry would be right up my alley, too.

This collection is a reimagining of Bible passages and Catholic prayers, a reclaiming of a religion that has denigrated women and condemned queer people throughout its history. I was never Catholic, but I did grow up in the Christian church, and wow were these poems cathartic. Some are more lighthearted and funny, others bittersweet and tender, all of them seeking to empower and to right past wrongs. There’s a series of short ones based on Matthew 25, the parable of the ten virgins, many of which begin:

Heaven is ten girls
who take their lamps
to each other’s bed chambers

…to light their rooms until they sleep, to read lesbian erotica and make out, to screen print t-shirts, to bring their friends soup when they’re sick. I also loved Austin’s rewrite of Genesis 19 (Sodom and Gomorrah destroyed) and Hebrews 13:2 (“Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it”). If you were raised religious and have drifted away, or if you’re still part of it but have criticisms, you might find comfort and connection here.

When I found out recently that Lily King would be visiting my city in September for Bookmarks festival (more on that below), I figured it was finally time to read Five Tuesdays in Winter, her story collection that’s been on my shelf for several years now.² While these pieces are pretty varied in their subject matter and setting, some including violence or other intense topics, they’re all written in a really calming and timeless way and each one pulled me in immediately. I don’t think I could pick a favorite, but the first and last stories were both standouts. “Creature” starts the collection strong, with a teenage girl who spends the summer as a live-in nanny and ends up fighting back against sexual assault, and “The Man at the Door” wraps things up on a powerful note as a woman writer protagonist claps back at criticism and doubt in a dark and deliciously kickass way.

Finally, I stayed up past my bedtime last night to finish The Compound by Aisling Rawle for my in-person book club. Pitched as “Love Island meets Lord of the Flies,” it’s about a reality show where residents live at a mansion surrounded by desert, completing group and individual tasks to earn rewards ranging from necessary supplies to luxury goods. Some of these lead to people being banished, and as the number of remaining contestants dwindles, rules loosen up and things get less predictable and more chaotic. I don’t want to give anything away about the plot, but I will say that the last third of the book really picks up in pace—I was both horrified and transfixed. By the end I wanted to take approximately seventeen showers, build a commune with people I care deeply about, and never participate in capitalism ever again.

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Heard this week

On Friday we celebrated a friend’s birthday by going to see one of her favorite comedians, Beth Stelling, perform in Chapel Hill! It’s been quite a while since I’ve seen live comedy and this show was amazing. Give me a woman who knows herself and doesn’t give two shits what you think, someone who can turn difficult life experiences into silly jokes with deadpan delivery, who makes weird faces and talks in weird voices and giggles at herself from time to time, forever. Beth was new to me but right up my alley. I listened to her If You Didn’t Want Me Then album on Spotify yesterday because I haven’t stopped thinking about the show, and I was delighted to hear a few jokes from the set we saw but also a lot of fresh material too—including a bit about the “first in flight” rivalry between Ohio (where she’s from) and North Carolina (where I live). I’ll be keeping an eye out for whatever she does next!

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Haiku round-up

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Haiku is a poetic form that originated in Japan, containing seventeen syllables in a five-seven-five pattern. At the beginning of 2024, I started writing one every day, and while traditional examples include thematic reference to the seasons, mine tend to be a bit more all over the place. Here are this week’s efforts—enjoy!

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Monday, August 18

Perfection, my foe
assaults me with its demands
but I plug my ears

Tuesday, August 19

So much time waiting
and right when your focus shifts
you get what you need

Wednesday, August 20

Sink into the task,
attention crystallizing—
the joy of the flow

Thursday, August 21

If I stop moving
I might never start again
Watch out, to-do list

Friday, August 22

Mild, late summer air,
the slant of afternoon sun,
and our shared laughter

Saturday, August 23

Physical clutter
mutes the singing of the mind
Clear it all away

Sunday, August 24

Sunday afternoon—
We search through bins and bookshelves
hunting for treasure

And another thing

• My home office often serves as a dumping ground for packages, clutter, and anything else I don’t feel like dealing with in the moment, but I finally cleaned up in there over the weekend and I already feel one thousand percent more motivated to sit at my desk and create things. As confirmed by this Harvard Business Review article from 2019, “a study on the effects of clutter in the home found that individuals who felt overwhelmed by the amount of ‘stuff’ in their homes were more likely to procrastinate,” and “clutter can also affect our general mental health, making us feel stressed, anxious, or depressed.” 🙋🏻‍♀️ Heal me, tidy workspace!!

• If you’re in North Carolina or anywhere nearby, mark your calendar for the 20th annual Bookmarks Festival of Books & Authors, which is happening the weekend of September 25-28 in Winston-Salem! The full list of featured authors has been released and there are some really good gets, y’all. I am especially looking forward to Mary Roach, Nghi Vo, Laila Lalami, Lily King, and Kevin Wilson.

• After reading this interview with Jen Hatmaker (who grew up evangelical, got married super young, co-founded a church, and became a Christian influencer before eventually changing her mind about some key social issues, getting divorced, and leaving the faith) I am very much looking forward to her upcoming memoir, Awake. She will also be at Bookmarks Festival!

• It’s been awhile since I saved a new recipe to try, but this kale caesar pasta salad looks mad tasty.

Until next time

I’ve been writing today from the lovely screened back porch at my friends’ house. They asked me to stop by this morning and check on their cats while they’re at the beach, but the weather was so nice that I couldn’t help but stay awhile. The kitties have been meandering in and out as well, watching the birds and butterflies, sniffing at the air, and lazing in the sun. It means so much to me to have people like this in my life—whose doors I never have to knock on before entering, whose keys have a permanent place in my bag, whose homes feel as familiar and comfortable as my own. Do you have these kinds of friends too? I hope so. They make life worth living.

See you next Monday, and until then, why are the sounds people make when startled so funny?

♥︎ Emily

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1. A new one, Is This a Cry for Help? is coming in January! I just got an advance copy and I plan to read it in the next few weeks. Stay tuned for a full report soon.

2. I’m also planning to re-read Writers & Lovers soon, since the follow-up, Heart the Lover, comes out next month!