Monday Miscellany: Ambiguous and full of unsettling possibility
Notes from April 28 - May 4
This morning I woke up in an aching and uncomfortable body, wanting nothing more than to down a couple of ibuprofen and lie on the couch for the rest of the day. Mentally, it’s “why do I even do this, why do we do anything, none of it matters, I don’t want to.” Sigh. Groan. And yet, here I am, reminding myself that all feelings are temporary, showing up is important, and no back pain is forever. How are you, friends?
Read this week
Thanks to The Stacks book club, I managed to read one book of poetry during National Poetry Month! Blessing the Boats by Lucille Clifton is a collection of new poems and selections from previously published works, covering a variety of subjects from childhood sexual abuse, to Lucifer and the story of Adam and Eve, to aging and health concerns, to racist hate crimes. Clifton is particularly talented at communicating a great deal without using many words.
the moon understands dark places. the moon has secrets of her own. she holds what light she can.
She’s bold and unflinching, but also vulnerable and funny. Some of my favorite poems are addressed to her body—“poem to my uterus” and “to my last period”—and while they’re a bit tongue-in-cheek, they’re also surprisingly poignant. I also loved “donor,” “jasper texas 1998,” “alabama 9/15/63,” “sorrow song,” “hag riding,” and “what did she know, when did she know it.”
My McSweeney’s pick for the month was Quarterly Concern #63. This issue, published in 2021, features a letter from Marie-Helene Bertino which, I was delighted to discover, makes mention of her friend Adina, whose name she would later give to the protagonist of Beautyland. How exciting and meaningful to see those wheels in motion years before the novel’s 2024 release.
One of my favorite stories from this collection is “Ebbing’s Cursed Toccata” by Rita Chang-Eppig, about an organist who unearths a rare piece of sheet music, then becomes fixated on it and sees his life drastically change as a result. Sinister!
And here is a quote from “Field Notes” by Etgar Keret, about a young man on a bicycle journey, that particularly resonated with me:
I didn’t tell them about the lonely voice in my head. It had been chasing me for months, from post offices to county parks, to cash-only motels, mile after mile like the whistle of a freight train in the wind. Sometimes I could hardly hear it; other times it was impossible to ignore. (75)
Finally, the book I enjoyed most this week was Audition by Katie Kitamura. This is a slim novel, just under 200 pages long, but it’s doing a lot. The story opens on a meeting in a restaurant between an unnamed woman actor and a younger man named Xavier, and it’s best to go in not knowing much more than that. Kitamura is examining ideas about motherhood, acting, romantic relationships, work, and madness. Her writing is subtle yet compelling, and I was occasionally stopped cold by particularly moving passages like this one:
People always talked about having children as an event, as a thing that took place, they forgot that not having children was also something that took place, that is to say it wasn’t a question of absence, a question of lack, it had its own presence in the world, it was its own event.
She’s a master of deliberate description and perfectly paced psychological suspense, of very calmly and intentionally leading the reader to an ending that is ambiguous and full of unsettling possibility.
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Watched this week
Brave (2012) never fails to make me cry about moms and daughters and fighting for the space to be yourself. I love the Scottish accents, the music, how giant and square-shaped Merida’s dad is, her mischievous younger brothers when they’re turned into bear cubs. And I sob and sob through this scene, every time.
Suburban Sasquatch (2004), by contrast, elicited only laughter and gasps of disbelief that a movie could be this bad. From the sasquatch costume and police uniforms, to the camcorder quality of the shots and the ”director’s actual grandmother” quality of the acting, to the inscrutability of the plot and baffling nature of the ending, there’s a little something here for everyone… to ruthlessly mock and tear apart. I watched the Rifftrax version with my friends and it was a stupid good time.
I’ve been anticipating The Wedding Banquet (2025) after seeing the trailer a few times in theaters, and it didn’t disappoint. The story, about two gay couples and a marriage of convenience, is an updated remake of this 1993 Ang Lee film; it’s heartwarming and funny, predictable in some ways but unexpected in others. I went in excited about the Bowen Yang (Chris) of it all and along the way fell in love with Han Gi-Chan (Chris’s boyfriend Min) and Youn Yuh-jung (Min’s grandmother), too. Truly a perfect choice for a Sunday matinée.
Haiku round-up
And now for this week’s crop of poetry:
Monday, April 28
Favorite way to learn— falling down a rabbit hole, following interests
Tuesday, April 29
Caught myself again listing off accomplishments hoping you’d be proud
Wednesday, April 30
Silent spectator, wizened face retreating while worried eyes keep watch
Thursday, May 1
Let yourself relax and what’s been bothering you might resolve itself
Friday, May 2
Sudden, resounding unexpected thunderclap sends us scurrying
Saturday, May 3
Surrounded by green Cool air and steady rainfall We are together
Sunday, May 4
Toast a second glass and fill this cave with your joy, buoyant, echoing
Until next time
Phoebe has been curled up right next to me the whole time I’ve been writing, like she can sense that I’m not feeling my best. I simply don’t deserve her. I’ve been taking frequent breaks to give her belly scritches, and I think that as soon as I send this out to you, I’ll plop back down here with some late lunch and watch an episode of Gilmore Girls. The window is open and it seems pretty nice out this afternoon, so maybe there’s a walk around the neighborhood in my future, too. I hope your week is off to an okay start and that you have fun things on the horizon to look forward to! I’d love to hear about what’s making you happy these days.
See you next Monday, and until then, if I speed it up, can you handle that?
—Emily
I hope you have a restful and relaxing rest of your day. I loved reading Blessing the Boats, too! And I am so excited to read Audition. Thank you as always for your thoughtful Monday reflections!